OT XXI [B]: Jos 24:1-2a, 15-17, 18b; Eph 5:21-32; Jn 6:60-69

Wives should be subordinate to their husbands as to the Lord. These are very uncomfortable phrases for us modern Catholics. But notice, Paul begins this section by telling: "Brothers and sisters, be subordinate to one another." He insists so strongly that the husband must love his wife as totally as Christ loves the Church.

God has established an order in the world. God chose the Jews to be first in the world and send his son to this world through them. When Jesus told the disciples to preach the gospel he told them: first go the lost sheep of Israel, then to gentiles. When God chose Abraham he told him, “in you all the nations of the world will be blessed.” Therefore, God is not rejecting anybody when he places someone in the first place. God always follows an order and in placing man the head of the family he was following an order. It could have been the other way about, but God chose that way. Paul or the Bible is not telling women are inferior to men, like what Islam teaches: Here are some of the teachings of Islam about women.

Woman is a property (for enjoyment like animals or farm).

A woman’s life is meant to please her husband (Ibn Majah 3:9:1853). A good wife should bring delight to her husband whenever he looks at her, and obey him whenever he commands her to do something.  

Women are deficient in intelligence and religion, should be submissive to men:

A woman has to please her husband to go to heaven:

Muhammad says to Women to Prostrate before their husbands.

Quran: Those [wives] from whom you fear arrogance – [first] advise them; [then if they persist], forsake them in bed; and [finally], strike them. (Q 4:34)

If you are flogging your wife as you do a slave then don’t do sex that day with her, said Muhammad:  (Sahih Bukhari 5204, Bk. 67, H. 138).  (what a concession to a wife).

Reasons a Muslim can hit/ beat his wife (Q.4:34).

 

1. Refusal for sex (Even when the wife’s one parent is dead and she wants to go attend the funeral rites, and at that time the husband asks her for sex, she should satisfy him first before she goes to pay tribute to her dead parent).

2. Not taking bath after sex.

3. Not to show herself beautiful to her husband (only to her husband and not to anyone else).

4. Not praying.

5. Going out without husband's permission. (He can refuse permission even to meet her aging parents.

6. Inviting others without husband’s permission. He can deny permission to invite children from her another marriage.

The husband has the discretion when and for what he can beat his wife. No one can question why a Muslim beat his wife.  (Abu Dawud 11:2142). And Tafsir of Al-Qatbari says to tie the wife down in her bed room and beat.

Muhammad married a child of six and encouraged his followers to marry young children.  

Khomeini called marriage to a prepubescent girl “a divine blessing.  He married 10 year old girl when he was 35.

Marriage is legalizing woman’s private parts (allows man to marry a woman for three nights to have sex)

Women are stupid and lack reasoning and they need lot of forgiveness.

Majority of the dwellers of Hell are women.

Two women’s witness is equal to one man’s (Q.2:282).

Women have no right in deciding the sex positions.

A man can ask for divorce without reason but a woman is not allowed to ask for divorce:

Allah will turn singing girls into monkeys and pigs:

Killing women of immoral behavior.

‘Those of your women who commit illegal sexual intercourse, take the evidence of four witnesses from amongst you against them; and if they testify, confine them (i.e. women) to houses until death comes to them or Allah ordains for them some (other) way”. Quran 4:15  Sahih International

 Muhammad forbade women praying when menstruating. 

Angels curse the wives who refuse to have sex with their husbands:

“When a woman spends the night away from the bed of her husband, the angels curse her until morning”. (Sahih Muslim 1436a, Bk. 16, H. 140).

Woman who uses perfume is adulteress:

A woman is forbidden to cry on the death of husband:

Muhammad told to throw dust in the mouth of women who were crying on the death of their husbands in the war. (Sahih Muslim 935a, Bk. 11, H. 39).

 

A woman should not be alone with another man.  (Afghanistan the Taliban were flogging women who were unaccompanied by male guardians).

Women not fit for leadership positions:

“When the Prophet heard the news that the people of the Persia had made the daughter of Khosrau their Queen (ruler), he said, "Never will succeed such a nation as makes a woman their ruler." (Bukhari, Volume 9, Book 88, Number 219).

A wife should not allow anyone in the house without husband’s permission:

The woman who arranges her marriage is adulteress:

Women may not pray in the Mosque but at home.

Women’s place is in the back of the Mosque (Sahih Muslim Vol.1, Bk. 4, No. 880-881).

Women are forbidden to have wigs, alter teeth, tattooing or remove facial hair. (Bukhari vol.6, Bk. 60, H. 408). (Video of Taliban cutting the hand of a girl for nail polishing)

If no prayer is done before sex Muhammad says, Jinn will have sex with wife.

But, the New Testament shows men and women are complementary to each other. It was an essential part of God's plan, from the very beginning, to create two genders in the human race, male and female.

The complementarity of these differences helps explain why men and women have always experienced such a mysterious attraction. Biologically, chemically, psychologically, emotionally, and even intellectually, men and women show general tendencies and characteristics that are different and that complement each other. This complimentarity is also a basic theological fact. God created us male and female because we are called to image his own divine nature here on earth. And the essence of the divine nature is self-forgetful, fruitful love - Trinitarian love.

 

Paul makes clear that marriage as designed by God is built on an ordered relationship between the spouses. This is what he means when he says so clearly that a husband is "the head of his wife" and that wives should be "subordinate to their husbands."

We tend to want to dismiss St Paul's affirmations as applicable to the culture of his day but not applicable to the culture of our day. But St Paul isn't merely stating a personal opinion or a cultural description.

He is putting forth a theological truth.  He is saying that one of the "great mysteries" of marriage, one of the reasons Jesus made it into a true sacrament, is that it is an image of the relationship between Jesus and the Church.

This helps us understand that the hierarchy of relationships in a marriage is not a political hierarchy. The husband is not meant to be the head of the wife in the sense that the wife is the husband's servant or slave - not at all. As St Ambrose put it, addressing Christian husbands:

"You are not her master, but her husband; she was not given to you to be your slave, but your wife.... Reciprocate her attentiveness to you and be grateful to her for her love" (quoted in John Paul II's Letter to Families, #25).

It is a distinction of function, not a hierarchy of nature.

By nature the husband and the wife are, in the first place, completely equal in dignity. Genesis tells us that Adam and Eve both shared the same dignity as human beings: both were created in the image and likeness of God. Both are equally necessary and dependent on each other. A husband cannot fulfill his calling as a husband without the commitment of his wife. A wife cannot fulfill her calling as a wife without the commitment of her husband.

The husband and wife together build the marriage and the family, just as the head and the heart together keep the body alive, growing, and healthy.

The heart is subordinate to the head in the sense that it would never be insubordinate (rebellious) towards the leadership of the head, just as the head would never neglect or abuse the heart. Thus, the Church has always understood this ordered relationship as a partnership of love and mutual self-giving.

Christ is the head of the Church and has given his life to her and for her; and the Church is the bride of Christ, totally consecrated to him and his Kingdom.

As we continue with this holy Mass, in which Jesus will renew his commitment to us, let's thank him for the beautiful gift he has given us by creating us man and woman, in his image and likeness, and let's ask his forgiveness for the times we haven't lived up to this noble calling, and let's renew our commitment to building Christ's Kingdom in the world, by striving, with the help of his grace, to live, support, and spread this "great mystery" of marriage, just as God designed it.